I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
