Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
