too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
