when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Randomize
