Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
