It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
