I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
