sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
