No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
