Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
