can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
