if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
