my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
