I look better un-naked...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
