wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
