it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
