I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
