I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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