He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
