If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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