Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
