Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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