I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
