smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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