Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Randomize
