guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
They should really pass out barf bags in church
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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