I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
