What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
