Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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