Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
