so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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