id be glad to
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
