She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
