i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
