Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
