I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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