So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
