everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
