I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
