margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
