Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
