Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
