I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
