You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
