Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
