i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
