I haven't been this sober since birth.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
