As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
