Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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