Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
