You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
