So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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